My Multiple Personalities

Me and the roomies' newest obsession: The United States of Tara, in which Toni Collette plays a woman who suffers from some form of multiple personality disorder. She tends to slip into these different alters - a 50s housewife, a trucker or a punk teenager - in moments of stress, and the show is about how she and her family deal with these characters. After careful consideration, I've decided that I could easily have multiple alters as well, which I have broken up into four distinct personalities. And, in light of the show, I've even come up with catchy names.

OCD Olivia
We're talking alphabetized spices, a color-coordinated closet and twisting the door knob three times before opening. Although I'm nowhere near that point (ignore my computer files sorted into type, date and subject), I can definitely relate to the people I see on TV who can't leave the house until they brush their hair 100 strokes.

Tobi the Tomboy
There was a time I could name the starting line-up of every NBA team in the league and rattle off the past 15 regular season MVPs. I play fantasy basketball (mainly to appease L) and can get aggressively into sporting events, case in point, the Super Bowl where I spent the last quarter yelling at the TV by myself. Despite my lack of any sort of athletic ability whatsoever, I can't help but love a giant plasma screen, a bucket of chicken wings and men screaming at other men trying to hit a tiny ball with a wooden stick. God bless them.

H
My hipster side loves concerts, obscure bands and movies, flannel shirts, tight tight jeans and modern art. I used to have the largest music collection out of anyone I knew, in the days before ipods, where now it is virtually impossible to have less than several thousands of songs. I love living in the East Village where I can walk down the street in men's v-neck hanes t-shirts, ripped cutoff shorts, a checkered scarf and rustic boots and not look out of place. And someday, if I ever get into cult horror movies, and ditch some of my more uptight qualities, I may have a chance at being this.

The Comedian Carmen (I find this name ridiculous)
If its the right people who get my humor and understand my sarcasm, I can definitely whip out some pretty good one liners. I love being funny and I love making people laugh, I just currently can't do it on a consistent basis. But perhaps one day, I'll be doing stand-up in Vegas making as much money as Jerry Seinfeld does and hopefully being less embarassing to my race than Margaret Cho.